My Own Movie

Throughout my life I have seen thousands of movies....I often feel that my 65 (or 67) years of life with Harriett was a beautiful film..She was, and and will always be  my Life Partner. She understood me and was able to control me...I am passionate about life, and she knew exactly how to keep me in line...Socially, I am completely tactless, and because she was so gentle, understanding and compassionate she made many, many friends...I just stood besides her and muttered 'I am with her'.

When she died peacefully Sep 2014, I was truly alone - but not lonely! I learned how to cook and take care of myself...My time was scheduled and I lead a full life...

My only social contact for the last several years was my emails to family and friends....I included film recommendations, items of interest to me, musings and comments... I thought that my adult grand kids could benefit from my experience..I sent out emails every few days and loved doing it.
Save for one grand daughter, I rarely had any response...So I really did not know if any one else, except the one, ever saw or read them.

As my would be 66th wedding anniversary (July) approached, I began to get introspective, recalling all kinds of events in our life together...And as a life lesson, before they died with me, I began to write them down in the emails.....A few days after the anniversary day, I sent out an email that Harriett would never never approve - way too personal...But I thought that since she no longer could stop me, the info may benefit someone....

The next day I received an email from one of my sons that in effect, prohibited me from sending out any more emails - to him, his children and in-laws, or any other grand child or friend.... Needless to say, I was devastated...But I complied.

Phone calls repeated the rejection....'Consider your audience", I was told two times....'Your grand kids talk to each other!' ....I felt I had done nothing wrong at all....I responded "I am sorry I offended everyone,,,What can I do now?  Go to my room every night and write on the wall a thousand times "I am a crazy old man" then in the morning climb on the cross and assume the position?

Two of my sons and two grand children told me it was OK to email them anything I would like....I told them I promised to never send another email, but then they suggested I start a blog, that people could access if they liked...So this how this blog began.

The rejection came after I was cleaning out Harriett's clothes closet.  A grand daughter was married in June, and every one who wanted any of Harriett's clothes, jewelry, books could take anything the liked of mine or hers....They barely took anything!
  
Then I took a bus trip to the Getty Museum in LA...A pretty woman asked if the seat next to me was occupied....'Please sit' I replied as she smiled at me....I was amazed! She was perfect for my movie!  I would produce, direct, write the script, do camera, music, art, publicity and edit and and costar with her....Then I told her I was tactless - no tact at all- and that I thought she was perfect for me...She just smiled, and then for the next hour we poured out our life stories to each other...

Now, I thought I led an interesting life, but hers was absolutely amazing!  I could barely listen to the details as my mind was screaming 'A miracle - it's bashert'  The Getty Museum is located atop a mountain overlooking LA....We climbed the mountain, found we had the same taste in art, and viewed the city before us - it was as if we were in heaven...

I invited her to my house for breakfast for the next day....I wanted to show her all the murals I had hung of the very same originals we had seen at the Getty (a coincidence?)....She liked the murals and all the tshotkes I had all over.....Then she took my to her house, a few blocks away....

Her house reflected her refined and serene demeanor...A place for everything and everything in its place....I was sold!  My script was rapidly coming to shape, and since she was not under contract to anyone, I began scheduling screen tests for her - as my movie co-star...

As the joke goes - An old Jewish man has a surprising affair with a beautiful young woman....He is ecstatic!  He blurts out his good fortune to another man, who asks him 'I don't know you, why are you telling me?'  The old Jewish man replies 'I am telling everyone!'....So it was with me, I was telling everyone!

But, again, I did not consider my audience!  Very few approved...'Way too fast - you're scaring the shit out her!' ...But I don't have a lot of time - I am 87 and she is 72...I am very healthy, and she has many serious health problems.. The film must be begun right now...

The screen tests went very well and I thought my costar would sign on, but on day 9 she told me 'It was not working out'  that I was smothering her with attention and affection - that she was spending all her time with me, neglecting her own life....She dumped me! We could still have breakfast, she said but I could not take a half a loaf, so before going any further, I thought it would be best if we did not go any further - no breakfast.

So, we said goodbye and good luck...and I am exactly where I was before meeting her.....I am sad, but not brokenhearted...(kind of relieved) I did make a fool of myself, but so what - I tried (probably my last shot)!  But, but I am thinking about a new script.